Abandoned (almost)

Wow, it's been a while since I last posted. I've really missed it. I've been feeling the itch to write again lately. I have just been so busy with wedding planning. All I can say is I am so glad I am only going to do this once! :-P

Wedding planning

Just over three months until the wedding. Wow. I'm still blow away by the fact that I'm getting married. The wedding planning is going okay. Shawne (Dave's mother) has been wonderful by offering to search around and help find a church. We seriously considered my sister's beautiful church for two reasons: one, they weren't going to charge us anything (maybe request a donation but that was it. How amazing is that?!) and two: it is an absolutely beautiful church. I loved it. However, it is about two hours away. Much too far for planning your own wedding. If I had a wedding planner and vendors and all that jazz, I might, but my budget just does not cover those.

On that note, I have been looking at websites and blogs and books that claim to help brides on budgets plan their dream weddings without going over budget. However, what they consider to be a "shoe string budget" is typically twice my annual salary. Not exactly what I would call a small, shoe string budget. My mom has encouraged me to write my own book chronicling my adventures in serious budget wedding planning. At first I laughed it off. Me? Write a book? Haha! You're funny. However, I am now seriously considering it. There are so many brides out there who are planning weddings on "nothing budgets" like I am. My wedding dress is costing me very little. I was given a dress (Praise God!) that I am going to have slightly altered to fit me better and make it more "me". The only alteration I am actually paying for will be the addition of a zipper by a friend of the family who is a very good seamstress, the rest, we are doing ourselves. I am probably going to end up making my own veil and I'm making the guy's boutonnieres and probably doing all of the flowers and decorations as well. Lots of work? Yes, it is, but so is marriage. And like marriage, totally worth it.

I keep seeing all these wedding blogs and things of girls so happy that they were able to find their favorite designer dress for only $2,000 on sale!!! Oh. Em. Gee. That's like, so totally over my total wedding budget. Like, totally. (I think I threw up a little in my mouth, I apologize, both for the valley-girl display and of my own reaction) Seriously, though, that's not budget. If you think that is budget, you have another thing coming. That is extravagant. And when you're a bride on a nothing budget, reading things like that is really discouraging. You start thinking, oh no, I can't get a nice wedding dress for under $2000? What about flowers? And decorations? Food? Wedding party gifts? Photographer? Location fees? Officiant fees?

Next thing you know, you've spiraled into a pit of despair and discouragement because you just watched your entire budget go to someone's designer wedding dress or caviar hor d'oeuvres and cocktails (not to mention their caterer's bill, YIKES.)

I've been there, and since I am still not done with my wedding, I'm sure I will be there again. However, I think that will some help (oooh, I get by with a little help from my friends), I could maybe write a nothing budget wedding book.

Thoughts?

Cooking

I am one of those people who tends to get noticeably down and depressed in the winter. And oddly enough, I LOVE winter. I just love to curl up by the fire with a good book and a big mug of hot cocoa, tea, soup, etc. Or sit by the window wrapped in a blanket during a snow storm. I just love getting snowed in. One thing I have found helps me a lot with my depression is cooking and baking. When I'm in the kitchen, I feel so much better. There are very few things that can get me down in the kitchen. Invading my kitchen while I'm cooking, however, is usually one of them. :-P I love cooking and trying new recipes but when recipes don't have pictures, I'm usually not very inclined to try them. Just reading a recipe will make it sound good, but I would much rather have a picture to look at. That is why two of my favorite cooking sites are The Pioneer Woman and FoodGawker, Tastespotting is another good one, too. While browsing on Pioneer Woman today, I came across her recipe for Pico de Gallo. You must try this now. When I make PW's Pico de Gallo I used gloves when handling the jalapenos and chop them into really tiny pieces. I remove most of the membrane and seeds because as much as I like the heat, it gives me cartoon-like hiccups that can be quite embarrassing, and slice it into very thin slices, rotate and slice again to make very small pieces. I usually use whatever tomatoes look the best at the supermarket and I never seed them. I think seeding tomatoes, unless absolutely necessary, is a waste. I also use the juice of a whole lime instead of half, it brings out a better flavor in my opinion.
Today, my dad came home with a big tub of fruit cake fruits. I just about gagged and demanded an explanation. He and my oldest brother both admitted that they like a nice, well done fruit cake. I personally have never eaten fruit cake. All I know about it is what I have heard from your typical fruit cake haters claiming fruit cake is nasty crap(watch to the end and enjoy :]) and that all they are good for are doorstops. So willing to try something that I have actually made and have gotten the recipe from somewhere I trust, I promptly hopped on FG and TS and hopped around. The best looking recipe I found that actually called for the stuff in the fruitcake tub was a link from TS to this blog. The recipe didn't look to bad so I have decided to give it a whirl. I will go out later today to pick up the brandy before work then set the fruit to soakin'! In the meantime, I will continue to browse foodgawker and other good blogs. :-)

In The Light

Just about anytime I feel distant from God or anything, somehow, I end up hearing In The Light by DC Talk. That song is one that just speaks to me. I feel like I am the one singing it. The two different "voices" singing, the part singing about about how he's the king of excuses and then the other singing wondering what's going inside of him, I can relate to that. I feel like I start to do something, maybe get into the habit and then suddenly something inside me wakes up and then there's the other voice wondering what I'm doing and how I got to be like this, so far away from Him. I always found this song rather creepy and convicting when I was younger. I enjoyed the feel of the music but the line: "it's a cancer fatal to my soul." Scared the living daylights out of me. One of my biggest fears is getting cancer and the thought of a cancer that I already have, that everyone has that I cannot get rid of, understandably, freaked me out.

I keep trying to find a life
On my own, apart from You
I am the king of excuses
I've got one for every selfish thing I do

What's going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I'm still a man in need of a Savior

(chorus)
I wanna be in the Light
As You are in the Light
I wanna shine like the stars in the heavens
Oh, Lord be my Light and be my salvation
Cause all I want is to be in the Light
All I want is to be in the Light

The disease of self runs through my blood
It's a cancer fatal to my soul
Every attempt on my behalf has failed
To bring this sickness under control

Tell me, what's going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I'm still a man in need of a Savior

(repeat chorus)

Honesty becomes me
[There's nothing left to lose]
The secrets that did run me
[In Your presence are defused]
Pride has no position
[And riches have no worth]
The fame that once did cover me
[Has been sentenced to this Earth]
Has been sentenced to this Earth

2010 New Year Resolution

I don't often make New Year resolutions as I have seen too many people make resolutions such as: I am going to go to the gym 4-5 times a week. When they haven't been to the gym in 4 years. I'm sorry, but a little unrealistic there.

My one (or one publicly stated) resolution for 2010 is to eat healthier. I eat really unhealthy (unhealthily?). Seriously. I have a major sweet tooth, love butter, and I am a carnivore. (I almost typed carnival) Not that meat is unhealthy, but when you eat sweets or just general "unhealthies" and then eat meat to eat something healthy, there is no real balance and it isn't that healthy. I am not giving up sweets or butter or meat. I am simply going to try to eat healthy. And, that can, I believe, be accomplished without giving up sweets, butter and/or meat.

I was on my favorite site, foodgawker.com, when I came across a blogger who ate raw. This blogger claimed that she has felt healthier and just generally better since switching to raw foods. Reading that and her breakdown of how raw foods are better for you, got me thinking about how unhealthy my food habits are and how I often cook my food to mush (not literally - you know what I mean) and that maybe I should be eating more raw foods. And so, starting now (I'm not going to wait for the new year and try to get as much unhealthy food in as I can), I am going to try to eat healthier and raw-er. And by raw-er, I just mean eating more fresh vegetables instead of eating maybe, heated, canned corn or heated frozen green beans.

Christmas Season and an Update

Four weeks (and two posts) ago, I was feeling quite depressed and wrote a post listing several things I wanted in life. Praise God, I have achieved or acquired some of those things.

I have a laptop thanks to a wonderful pre-Black Friday Sale at Walmart.

I have a horizontal license (apparently, in NH when you renew your license two days before your 21st birthday, they will give you a vertical [under 21] temp license but when they send you the real thing, it is horizontal [over 21])*

I now have the new Star Trek movie on DVD (such a great movie!)

While I am not exactly healthy, I am getting help and am doing better. And contentment, working on that too.

Oh, and the depression, doing better with that too.

The holidays help a lot. Lately I have been hearing a lot of negative stuff about Christmas and the Christmas season. People complain how commercialized Christmas has gotten and how they now hate Christmas. I don't repute that Christmas is crazy commercialized, it very much is. However, I absolutely LOVE Christmas. If it was up to me, I would probably move Thanksgiving to September, and OFFICIALLY extend the Christmas season all through November and actually have the 12 days of Christmas. The Christmas season for me means family and friends. I love having everyone together just hanging out and enjoying each other's company and the great food. The whole family together with nothing to do except enjoy the fellowship. No one has to rush off to work or an appointment. Everyone is together and having fun. Random board or card games will break out at random times. People aren't all off in their own corners on the internet or playing single-player video games. In fact, I believe all the wonderful things about Christmas and the Christmas season, the atmosphere, the family, friends, the simple wonderfulness of it all, are all going to be part of Heaven.

*this one has actually made me ashamed of my pathetic, shallow wishes.

My Last Amen by Downhere

From the corner of my eye
There's a tear I'm trying to cry
But the feeling can't be found
Like a note thrills in a song
When I play it again, it's gone
Cuz it was never in the sound

And it keeps me wanting
That mysterious thing
Like a night is waiting for a dawn

Every prayer I say (a little closer)
To my resting place (a little closer)
Where my final breath is the beginning
To never needing
And I will find my last Amen

I could swear I have two hearts
One to stay, one to depart
This sad, tragic kingdom
And it burns me down to the core
Because I know there's so much more
It's just a pale reflection
And it keeps me wanting
That mysterious thing
Like an outcast waiting to belong

And while the thrills are fading
The joy is in the waiting
Somewhere in the grand design
It's good be unsatisfied
It keeps the faith and hope a little more alive

I want Wednesday

I know, I know, it's been a while. But a lot has happened since I got home almost two months ago. However, instead of filling you in on the boring details of what I've done since I got home, work, school, lots of dr's appointments, etc. I'm going to write out a wish list. Now, this is not a very realistic wish list and will contain some well, whining and complaining, but it is, after all, my blog. :-P

I want a Canon Digital Rebel XSi 12.2 MP Digital SLR Camera with EF-S 18-55mm f/3.5-5.6 IS Lens in black. I want the skills to be able to operate said Canon Digital Rebel XSi. I want the photoshop skills to be able to edit pictures from said Canon Digital Rebel XSi.
I want a Kitchen Aid mixer.
I want the new Battlestar Galactica complete series on DVD.
I want the discipline and wit to continue a regular blog that people will actually read and enjoy.
I want the boldness and comfort with myself to be able to wear some of the more daring (but modest) clothes and clothing styles that I like.
I want a job that I actually enjoy and don't dread going to every day.
I want to make a little more money so I don't feel like I have to put somethings off until my next paycheck comes.
I want to know what sort of job I would actually enjoy and not get sick of after 6 months and go bonkers.
I want you to know that I love that word, bonkers.
I want to write but can't for the life of me write a plausible plot line.
I want to do forensics but am terrified I won't be able to handle the death that surrounds it.
I want to be a baker but I'm afraid if I make something I love my job, I'll hate it.
I want to travel but don't have the money.
I want a horizontal license. Two days. Two stinkin' days!
I want the new Star Trek movie on DVD.
I want a laptop.
I want a car (working on that one.)
I want to be healthy again.
I want to be content.

So cute!

I wasn't going to update this until after I got back but I was looking through the fashion blogs I follow and one led me to ModCloth where I found this dress and I had to share. So very cute! But I don't have anywhere to wear it to and there is no way I can justify buying a $50 dress just because I like the cut and pattern. *sigh* Life goes on :]

New blog!

Hello everyone! I started a new blog to chronicle my adventures in New Zealand next month. I probably will not be posting here during that time so check my new site for updates and pictures! :-)

In The Light

I keep trying to find a life
On my own, apart from you
I am the king of excuses
I've got one for every selfish thing I do

Whats going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I'm still a man in need of a savior

(chorus)
I wanna be in the light
As you are in the light
I wanna shine like the stars in the heavens
Oh, lord be my light and be my salvation
Cause all I want is to be in the light
All I want is to be in the light


The disease of self runs through my blood
Its a cancer fatal to my soul
Every attempt on my behalf has failed
To bring this sickness under control

Tell me, whats going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I'm still a man in need of a savior

(repeat chorus)

Honesty becomes me
[theres nothing left to lose]
The secrets that did run me
[in your presence are defused]
Pride has no position
[and riches have no worth]
The fame that once did cover me
[has been sentenced to this earth]
Has been sentenced to this earth

Tell me, whats going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I'm still a man in need of a savior

(repeat chorus 2x)

[theres no other place that I want to be]
[no other place that I can see]
[a place to be thats just right]
[someday Im gonna be in the light]
[you are in the light]
[thats where I need to be]
[thats right where I need to be]

My timing is way off...

Mom had to work this evening so I was given dinner duty. After working a five hour floor (that means lots of running back and forth) shift this morning in the wrong shoes after waking up at 5:30 am. The last thing I wanted to do was slave over the stove either heating up left-over cream of broccoli soup (bleh) or cooking garlic pork-chops. I'm not a big fan of cream of broccoli, I'll eat it the first day if it is set in front of me, but second day C.O.B. is gross, just gross. And garlic pork chops, they're good, don't get me wrong, but I'm rather sick of pork and it sometimes makes me sick.

Anyways, I didn't really want to do either so I hopped onto allrecipes and found this. Awesome. Looks great, I've got everything. I can use the pork chops but not have to feel like I've had it a million times. I can make garlic mashed potatoes to go with it and we have sugar snap peas. Perfect. Suddenly, my dinner duty didn't seem too dismal. I put my country music mix on and got started.

I peeled potatoes and chopped them up kinda small because I wanted them to cook quickly. I sauteed some mushrooms and onions, then browned the pork. I threw the mushroom stuff, pork and two cans of condensed cream of mushroom soup into a pan and threw it in the oven. The original recipe called for you to bake it for 45 minutes but I had thin-sliced chops so I put the timer on for 20 minutes because I can always put them back in. About half-way through the 20 minutes I started getting worried because the potatoes weren't even boiling much less mushy enough to mash. While I was waiting for the stuff to cook, I was able to set the table very nicely though. Fortunately, the taters boiled right after that and I was able to mash them and every thing right when the timer went off for the pork. Perfect! Everything is coming together!

*buzzer* WRONG!

The pork was NOT done. *deep breath, sigh* The potatoes are done to a perfection but the pork...not so much. Now the potatoes are getting cold and icky.

At least the table looks nice.

Whaddya Think?

Just found this cute background online and customized my colors to match it. Now I just need a new banner. Although I was really proud of the one I made, I just couldn't find a background to match it and I kinda wanted to update the colors. So what do you think?

Lord Have Mercy on a Country Girl

I'm sorry about the lack of post on Friday. It didn't feel polite to be sitting on the computer blogging with company even though they weren't strictly my company. Friday night I had to work and then I went pretty much straight to bed because I had to work at 7:30 Saturday morning. When I got out of work, I ran home, ate lunch, watched two episodes of Barney Miller with Nenu and then had to go to my first company softball game in Wolfeboro. That game was a little embarrassing. We lost 30-4 in only 7 1/2 or 8 innings. We switched up the teams a little (we got two of their best players they got one so-so player of ours) and played a 3 inning game. We lost 5-3. Not too bad. Better than before but one of our best players pulled his hamstring halfway through the second game and had to sit the rest out. After the game I was totally wiped so I took a nice long shower and got right in my pj's. There is nothing like that feeling. You're tired, sore, sweaty, grimy, and just generally icky, you take a nice hot, hot shower and totally pamper yourself. I almost soaked my feet but I was too lazy and relaxed to do anything after my shower.
I didn't sleep too well last night. I got hit just below my knee, in that kinda funky place between your kneecap and your shin, with a softball that was coming pretty fast. I didn't bruise but by bedtime it hurt to walk so I put a rice sock on it when I went to bed and it hasn't hurt since (although I think that is the only part of my body that doesn't hurt!)

This morning was the second Sunday in a row in which I have woken up with the distinct feeling that it was Monday and was very surprised when Dad woke me up. Not sure what's up with that but if it happens again, I'll start getting worried about my mental health. :P

Currently in the freezer are two wonderful frozen yogurt pies. They are an awesome concoction that I think my mum made up but I could be mistaken. They're wicked easy. You just mix up two containers of yogurt with one container of cool whip, pour it into a graham cracker crust and freeze it. Easy as...well...pie! This time I made a graham cracker crust pie with blueberry yogurt and then one with an Oreo crust, black cherry yogurt and chocolate squiggles on top. Mmmmm! I can't wait until they finish freezing. They've only been in for three-quarters of an hour or so but I think we'll take them out a little early.

There is something about cooking and country music. When I'm in the kitchen, country music is the perfect thing. I think it makes my cooking better. In fact, I'm pretty darn sure it does. I can't go wrong when Josh Turner is crooning in the background. :]

Oops

I was just about to sit down and write a nice long blog entry but I just realized that we have company expected in fifteen minutes and I need a shower. Update later. I promise :-)

Baking, Blogging, and...Singing...yeah

Right now I am enjoying a seriously awesome lazy Sunday afternoon. Sunday afternoons have come to be probably my favorite time. Sunday afternoons are the time when everyone just chills. There's no running off to get to work or school or softball practice or book group. Dad has Truth Project in the evening but other than that, there isn't usually anything set.
Today, after church, we had lunch and then everyone except Joel went to go see Pixar's Up. I won't say much about it except that it is very good and I'm recommending it to everyone I know. We went to the 2:40 showing so Dad could get out in time to go to TP so the sun was still shining when we got out. A weird phenomenon, I gotta tell you. When you get out of a movie theater, in my opinion (I refuse to stoop to the texting/IMing jargon IMO), it should be dark out. However, when going as a family, especially when you are a large family, it is best to take advantage of matinees. So when we got home, Nenu flopped down on the lawn in the sunshine and I quickly followed suit. There are few things in life more satisfying than lying on a nice green lawn in the sunshine. I almost fell asleep but it was a tad too cold with the wind blowing.
Since there is nothing that says summer like iced tea, I made some, however, it was rather weak and just kind of blah. The iced tea put me in a baking mood though so I got on my absolute favorite site in the world, Foodgawker. However nothing really caught my eye as easily makable. In a flash of genius I thought shortbread and honey. Honey Shortbread. I googled it and got this. I know, shortbread is rather Christmas-y but it's nummy and I've been on a wicked honey kick lately. The shortbread just came out of the oven and cooled a bit. Verdict: Pretty good. Not amazing. If it wasn't for the honey, the shortbread would just be so-so. The actual shortbread part is weird and when I was pressing it into the pan I got a little worried because it was really floury and crumbly and it was rather difficult to prick it with a fork without completely ruining the top. This was my first attempt at the recent fad of kosher salt on top of a sweet and I gotta say I rather like it but I only used about half the amount of salt the recipe called for and I think I would reduce it still further. I think I may have over-baked the shortbread too. That being said, I have already eaten two of the sixteen pieces and I really should leave some for my family. I know for a fact that Dad will want some, he loves all things shortbread.
I found two of our Classic Disney cds earlier, imported them to itunes and have been listening to them for the last couple hours. Classic Disney makes me so happy, it makes me feel like a little kid again. I want to go to Disney World and see the Main Street Electrical Parade now and watch all of the classic Disney movies. However, I think I will just settle for the old Hayley Mills version. However, I will leave you with this: The Power of Suggestion.

Friday Mood

I made scones again today. Barefoot. With country music on in the background. I just love that feeling. There is just something about cooking and baking barefoot while listening to country music. It makes me feel so old-fashioned and house-wifey. Especially when the house is quiet and there's no screaming children running through or obnoxious teenagers stealing ingredients and demanding you make them breakfast.
Since my new-found freedom began, I have been feeling more and more in baking/cooking moods. Not sure if that sentence made any sense but I'm sticking to it. If I had the quietness and lack of little ones running around, I would probably keep this house in pretty constant supply of scones and other yummy baked goodies.
The hospital messed up somehow and is charging me some crazy amount in lab fees. I'm not supposed to pay anything because I have Healthlink but apparently, they didn't get the memo. I'm off to write a rather annoyed letter telling them in polite but no uncertain tones that there is no way in heck-fire I'm paying that bill.

Summer!

Today, I am totally and completely enjoying my summer. The first summer I've had off in a very very long time. Because while homeschooling, I was a total slacker who ended up doing my school through the summer. Actually, I usually didn't but I was constantly reminded to do my school through the summer and so I wasn't really able to fully enjoy the summer. This summer, however, I have finished my two courses, applied for next fall, applied for FAFSA, and am working a part time job that I've been at for four years, so I'm not worried about that. I have my passport, ticket and everything (I think. I hope.) for New Zealand in a couple months.
I slept in til ten or eleven today. *contented sigh* Worked on a little project I'm attempting. I have a few pretty awful books that mum bought for ten cents at a book sale. So I am attempting to dye the paper and then fade it to use as stationary. However, the paper doesn't like the dye I'm using (although my fingers do :P) and the only way of fading I can think of is putting it in the sun which is highly obnoxious and I would only able to fade on sunny days. I was hoping to make a fair amount and sell them on etsy. Because etsy is one of the coolest sites ever.
Oopsies. I just got lost on etsy for a half-hour or so. I gotta make dinner. :-P
Hopefully more posts soon!

Twitter

I just got a Twitter account and added it to my blog. Hopefully due to the ease of updating Twitter I will update it fairly often. Can't really post much here now. Got a first draft of a paper due Thursday, a midterm and a paper due Monday and 12 pages of my journal due next Thursday. And I have to watch dinner. And I have to book a flight pretty darn soon. Yikes! :-)

Updates will come

I've been busy and when I actually have time to write here, I usually don't feel like it or I have nothing to write about. However, I will be making more of an effort to write more (HA! We'll see how long that lasts :-P ) One thing I've done to aid in updating is I have activated blogger mobile. So I will be able to at least add little tidbits now and then depending on how my phone is acting. For those of you who don't know, my phone decided to only work when it feels like working. I'm not sure why, it was working fine until Sunday during Sunday school when I decided to clean it. I shut it off, took out the battery, cleaned out the dust, put the battery back in and turned it on. A couple minutes later, I shut it off again, pulled out the battery and the memory card, really cleaned out everything put them both back in and turned my phone back on. Since then, it has been really slow and freezes quite often. It will work okay if I shut it off and turn it back on while pressing on the back of the battery but it doesn't recognize the memory card. I'm just hoping it will hold up til May when I'm up for a new phone.